STOP playing it Small...Part Two
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Nelson Mandela
If there is anything I hate more than a flatterer, its someone who uses reverse psychology. And if you were to unzip my soul and look deep inside, you would see that this quote from Mandela makes every cynical nerve in my body twinge. Our deepest fear? Connected to how awesome we are? This quote makes me really uneasy. Why? Because his quote rings true and it attacks every part of me that wants to be falsely humble and avoid taking my life toward its greatest achievement; its greatest contribution.
What does Mandela mean by this quote? There is a purely motivated, good-natured part of all of us – a Divine Spark – that is our greatest self. But to let this out and be seen in it is counter culture. I mean, after all, everyone wants to be a bada$$ and drop F-bombs to show the world that edgy and irreverent are the way to really be known. Sorry, ladies & gentleman, dropping F-bombs doesn’t make you authentic. But I digress …….
Why we like false humility. One reason, as I mentioned in part one of Stop playing it Small, is that we have an overwhelming need to be in community – to belong. And if we were to exercise our beliefs, values, and convictions to their full extent in the sunshine that Mandela mentions, it would mean losing friends and being dismissed from the tribe. False humility keeps us safe by keeping us in the shadows – but it can NEVER unleash our FULL POTENTIAL.
Signs you may be falsely humble?
- Being upset and envious when someone else is more popular or successful and resenting that person.
- Any criticism, no matter how good the intentions, is unbearably painful, making one hostile and revengeful.
- Failures are seen as confirmations of worthlessness instead of learning experiences. They cause distress and rage.
- Not being able to enjoy and celebrate one’s achievements, due to not being able to achieve even more.
How to take action
Part of playing big is, ironically, getting rid of the part of us that wants to be falsely big – the ego. This is our next topic. Stay tuned.
“You admire the man who pushes his way to the top in any walk of life, while we admire the man who abandons his ego.” – Heinrich Harrer