What do you do when you feel like you are doing all the right things, actively engaged in a process of improvement for life, yet things are just not happening? I mentioned last time that it starts with a period of quiet reflection and asking yourself the question, “Are you rushing an important process you are engaged in?” [click link here]
My response to that challenge was to reflect on your process. Have you really identified the target outcome? Are there clear steps to advance the challenge or goal forward? Can you find some form of measurement at each step of the way? Without this approach, it’s difficult to perform a real analysis for improvement.
Here is the fourth soul searching question you need to ask yourself: What is your vanity preventing you from dealing with?
Aside from wanting a great family, cool friends, and a legacy, guys struggle just as much as women with their own issues. We often think of sensitivity as a female trait, but in reality, it’s a personality trait that both male and female share.
One of the things I love most about my work is its predictable route: I get invited to the board room, then the living room, then the bedroom. Meaning, most of my client engagements start with revenue, process improvements, difficult employees – but it ends in the very delicate waters of happiness, sexuality, and the inner landscape of the mind that sadly stays isolated from others who care.
When men break down, it’s a maddening process. This is not a chauvinistic statement, but women age in a much more dignified manner. Men get sullen, then they get angry, then they do something to distract themselves from the reality of how life is changing them, then they repeat the cycle. Women, on the other hand, get on a group conference call or go out together and just let it all out.
Tell me where it hurts [most]:
His salary – wanting more often means giving more, and we are slowing down a bit
His sex drive – we want more, and it’s not what you think – so make sure you ask
His body/health – Julius Caesar sported his signature crown mostly to hide his disappearing hairline. Shame on us if we are too busy to take care of the temple!
His tribe – if we are not rollin’ with like-minded peeps doing cool stuff, we are going underground and messing with some naughty stuff!
Pride – the five letters that hold me back from saying the most important things I can ever say, like, “You are not alone – I am with you”. “I love you”. “I need you”. Just recently, on Father’s Day, I told my dad publicly that the best parts of me had come from him. Don’t let your vanity get in the way. We all have a broken or messy part of us that needs someone else’s help. But our vanity or the need to look strong is the obstacle.
Humility is always the solution.
Next Step Take 15-30 minutes each morning to reflect on how your vanity has prevented you from getting what you want. Make a bold proclamation to confront it, and then commit to a conversation with someone you trust and respect.
This is part four of a five-part series taken directly from
“The Rewired Group – Coaching Experience.“